For Whom the Bell Tolls

The Bell Tolls

 

Another loud chiming announces the birth of yet another happy couple their lives intertwined in one way or another. The happy faces and joyful voices polluting the sullen air surrounding me. I had been there I had done that. I let the smooth cloud of smoke escape from my lips as I discard the butt of cigarette. A woman waved her hand about her in displeasure at the offending smoke I snickered and let loose my most gracious “kiss it “ smile and slinked pass her. She gapped at my back. I lived for moments like that, no doubt in the few seconds of seeing me she had decided my character but to be fair I had done the same. I watched as the limousine pulled away remembering when I myself had been chauffeured away to the supposed blissed state of marriage. I laughed at the ridicules show of it all. The bride had worn white and played the part of the angel. Ha! I scuffed my way towards the reception again sucking on my cancer stick enjoying the lustful eyes following me. Reveling in the reproving glares stabbing at me. I blame no one being for my condition I am the way I am mainly because I like the way I am. I had spent years living for others or doing what was expected, and what had it gotten me? Nothing but a divorce, alimony bills and a negative outlook on others. I had always been inclined to such outlooks but society doesn’t enjoy the negative Nancy’s. Once I had been screwed over by my wife I saw no need to try and hide the real me it had not made her happy nor myself. So now I lived for myself I was comfortable with the fact that I enjoyed making people wriggle with discomfort. I loved being able to discern actions and motives. I watched as I caught the eye of one of my friend and he sauntered over bringing behind him a trail of kittens. He was a polar opposite of me but I appreciated his own unique qualities. He and I were friends of the groom. I toyed with a brunette standing closest to me. When I felt a hand grab my shoulder and then the man himself spoke “Ladies I suggest you not get your hopes up with this one” he said as he grip tightened “He’s a Wiley one, he would sooner rip you heart out than let you in” they giggled not believing him I disengaged from the group feeling my agitation grow I pulled out another cigarette and lit up he frowned as I blew smoke out my nostrils.

“How can I help you?” I asked as he looked down and said “I just to make sure that we are cool?”

“Is this you asking or your wife insisting?”

 “Me, you have always been a good friend.”

 “Yeah so we have been, Yes I’m cool with this all,” I said waving my hand about me “what’s there to not be cool with?” he sighed as if relieved he spoke on a few more things and then was pulled away by the blushing bride. I laughed aloud as I watched them cuddle before all as if thrusting their supposed love in everyone’s face demanding acknowledgement. I left the party and walked down the street only to hear my name called I stopped and waited as the swishing of a gown approached “ Jared tells me that you’re not mad at us, is it true?”

“If it wasn’t would I have said it?”

 “No I suppose you wouldn’t have, did you attend the ceremony?”

 “Of course that’s the whole point of this shin-dig isn’t it? “Nothing her voice seemed stuck in her throat. “I’m happy now and I can tell you are to” I spun around to face my ex-wife now standing before me again garbed in white and joyful “would it matter if I was happy or not?, would it have stopped you? You think I’m happy?” I shook my head and walked away to only hear her stamp her feet and say in the whinny  voice that grated on my ears  “You told Jared you were fine with us” I stopped looking back into her clear blue eyes  “ I said I was fine with him I never said I was fine with you,”

“Why not? “

“Rebecca what will you gain if I am okay with you some, maybe some of that guilt might be alleviated is that what you want? Well don’t hold your breath sweetie I raised a son for two years thinking he was mine only to find out that he’s actually Jared’s and that only happens after I find you and he naked in our bed. I could expect as much from Jared he’s always been an ass but you, Ha I was blinded by that pretty face and what’s worse is I’m still paying for it, when it’s you who screwed me over, no you and I we will never be okay I just wanted to make sure you were actually going to be gone from my life.”

 I turned and walked down the dark street as she called out my name I ignored her she was my past. Screw society’s rules I wouldn’t ever allow expectation and conventionality to rule my life again. I lit another cigarette thinking on who to screw with next, it was Saturday night endless possibilities lay before me in the twinkling horizon. Happy endings, who needs them I just need a reality.