Decided On the Sky

Had Decided on the Sky

 

Watching a cloud slowly pass her world below she enjoyed the tranquil still air not suffocating like in the heat of summer but a cool comforting stillness closing her eyelids she pondered whether God had decided on the sky color first to be a calming one or if he decided to develop the brain to perceive it to be calming. Sitting up tired, tired of thinking about things that would most likely never be satisfactorily answered. She examined all about her thinking about the people who had passed through her life. Thinking about them caused her to imagine the warmth of the past. She was alone now in her cabin in the woods. Not that she truly minded, that was how she liked it. She could only upset her own expectations. The sun was shaded out by the ripening leaves of trees, looking down at her unshaven legs she smirked at how unattractive she felt them to be how any man would gawk at the dark hairs laying on the pale white skin. Not that she intended to let any man see them that way. She laughed at the absurd thought, how long had it been since she had actually spoken to someone much less a member of the opposite sex. Pulling her pant leg down from around her knees she smiled wondering how long she could actually stand to let them grow.  Leaning back sighing. The Peace and tranquility surrounding her still could not convince her soul to be at rest. Perhaps she had run away from the things needing attention, perhaps she was a horrible person for abandoning all responsibilities. Again looking into the sky she felt a sense of peace for a moment touches her. But no matter how far she ran nor how callus she tried to make her heart she felt the tugs of the past trying to swallow her. She walked in the cabin that had been families home once laughter had filled its walls; as she looked about her mind unsure as to what to do she walked out again her heart becoming sick with dissatisfaction. She sat in a rocking chair on the porch and soon fell asleep as she slept she dreamed of a winters snow and the laughter of children as snowmen were built and sleds used all were happy things but as she slept her eyes wept for although they were happy things one could see the shadows surrounding the innocence for this was a dream about the past and she knew the outcome. Flickers of darkness changed the dream, what was once laughter and squeals of joy were now screams and shrieks of terror the white ground immersed with a pink tinge of blood.  The snowman’s charcoal smile stretched to an evil sort of grin. She looked down at her hands cold and wet with the cooling blood. Starting awake, the dawn approaching she looked down at her hand. The cold wet nose of a cat pressed against it. Was this reality? She thought, as she scooped out food to the various animals calling for care and attention. Had that been real? Looking up at the awakening sky she laughed, surely not. Although she had ran away from things, it couldn’t be those memories or truths that she had been running from. It couldn’t be her hands that would murder her own children. For had it been surely her skies above would not smile down at her warming her pale skin, surely the cool air would not provide such comfort. She decided to trust in the earth below and the skies above the reoccurring nightmares and the memories of lives entwined with her own as no longer existing were just mere coincidence. She was alone because she chose it, she was happy and at peace. She looked out her back window facing a cleared meadow holding a rusting swing set and beside the overgrown sand box were two little mounds. She smiled at peace again convincing her that those tugs of the past were just minor annoyances. Sipping her tea she laughed at nothing yes she would trust in the sky above and the earth below. She had done nothing to be to upset by.

 

Note from the Author:

Ummm… I’m not crazy but this one went in a completely different direction then I thought it would when I was roughing it out. This little short is slightly disturbing to me for how twisted it is. I wonder sometime if I have some unresolved issues. (Thinking, Thinking…….. Nope can’t find any) I truly believe in the creation of my characters. I try to give my characters such features and characterizations that to me they seem to become alive and they direct the stories, which happened in this case. I imagine at night that tiny little people crawl out of my ears all of which I have thought up, the right ear only good  and wholesome things escape and the left ear disturbed and creepy things and they all travel beneath my bed where they have created an alternate reality. And that is exactly why I don’t let my feet dangle over the edge of my bed. I’m really, really not crazy just strange.  

Authors side note:

Its October so don’t be surprised if most of the stories are tinged in creep factor. Enjoy

Nicky Ehrens

Welcoming Fall

Our Nights Are Now Longer Than Our Days

 

It’s now time for hoodies and bonfires for fall has arrived. Hikes and bike rides are in order. Many city folk sit excitedly awaiting Lady fall to change her wardrobe from the velvet greens to the brilliant dress of rusty reds, warm yellows and pumpkin orange. The time for star gazing while wrapped in a blanket with your special someone. A time to set artist alight with the fire of inspiration. Yes it all leads to the peaceful slumber of winter. Perhaps that’s why night capture’s the skies earlier, to allow for the sweet dreams of all to feed the trees for another brilliant spring and summer. So it a see you soon summer and I look forward to seeing you again next year.

 

A Loves Longing

 

The golden road lay before me, the crunching of the fallen leaves breaking our silence. His hand was warm and clammy I felt the fall of emotions almost holding my breath against the inevitable. Nothing but sadness filling me for although what we had shared was sweet I knew I was to kiss him goodbye. His golden skin and warm laughter were soon to be only a memory, the heat of our passion and sweet blooms of love would soon drop away as the leaves of the trees surrounding us. For now was the time of Fall and his time has passed. Summer held on to my hand as he smiled kissing the mountains with his warm glow. I felt the heat of his lips one last time as he whispered he would see me again. In my sadness and yearning for his arms I have painted the hills and mountains with my rich feelings. As I feel the cool callings from Winter. An endless dance of change has captured me I await my next turn with my beloved Summer. But now we must part but for a while, soon once again I will feel Summer’s warmth about me and hear his gentle whispers. But for now I am captured by the enticing night of Winter’s calling. I dance about inflaming the world with my passion and yearning for him.  But without this pain and longing my beauty would not be supreme. So I will soon sleep in a deep slumber enraptured in dreams of you my dear Summer our nights are now longer than our days as I await your embrace.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

The Bell Tolls

 

Another loud chiming announces the birth of yet another happy couple their lives intertwined in one way or another. The happy faces and joyful voices polluting the sullen air surrounding me. I had been there I had done that. I let the smooth cloud of smoke escape from my lips as I discard the butt of cigarette. A woman waved her hand about her in displeasure at the offending smoke I snickered and let loose my most gracious “kiss it “ smile and slinked pass her. She gapped at my back. I lived for moments like that, no doubt in the few seconds of seeing me she had decided my character but to be fair I had done the same. I watched as the limousine pulled away remembering when I myself had been chauffeured away to the supposed blissed state of marriage. I laughed at the ridicules show of it all. The bride had worn white and played the part of the angel. Ha! I scuffed my way towards the reception again sucking on my cancer stick enjoying the lustful eyes following me. Reveling in the reproving glares stabbing at me. I blame no one being for my condition I am the way I am mainly because I like the way I am. I had spent years living for others or doing what was expected, and what had it gotten me? Nothing but a divorce, alimony bills and a negative outlook on others. I had always been inclined to such outlooks but society doesn’t enjoy the negative Nancy’s. Once I had been screwed over by my wife I saw no need to try and hide the real me it had not made her happy nor myself. So now I lived for myself I was comfortable with the fact that I enjoyed making people wriggle with discomfort. I loved being able to discern actions and motives. I watched as I caught the eye of one of my friend and he sauntered over bringing behind him a trail of kittens. He was a polar opposite of me but I appreciated his own unique qualities. He and I were friends of the groom. I toyed with a brunette standing closest to me. When I felt a hand grab my shoulder and then the man himself spoke “Ladies I suggest you not get your hopes up with this one” he said as he grip tightened “He’s a Wiley one, he would sooner rip you heart out than let you in” they giggled not believing him I disengaged from the group feeling my agitation grow I pulled out another cigarette and lit up he frowned as I blew smoke out my nostrils.

“How can I help you?” I asked as he looked down and said “I just to make sure that we are cool?”

“Is this you asking or your wife insisting?”

 “Me, you have always been a good friend.”

 “Yeah so we have been, Yes I’m cool with this all,” I said waving my hand about me “what’s there to not be cool with?” he sighed as if relieved he spoke on a few more things and then was pulled away by the blushing bride. I laughed aloud as I watched them cuddle before all as if thrusting their supposed love in everyone’s face demanding acknowledgement. I left the party and walked down the street only to hear my name called I stopped and waited as the swishing of a gown approached “ Jared tells me that you’re not mad at us, is it true?”

“If it wasn’t would I have said it?”

 “No I suppose you wouldn’t have, did you attend the ceremony?”

 “Of course that’s the whole point of this shin-dig isn’t it? “Nothing her voice seemed stuck in her throat. “I’m happy now and I can tell you are to” I spun around to face my ex-wife now standing before me again garbed in white and joyful “would it matter if I was happy or not?, would it have stopped you? You think I’m happy?” I shook my head and walked away to only hear her stamp her feet and say in the whinny  voice that grated on my ears  “You told Jared you were fine with us” I stopped looking back into her clear blue eyes  “ I said I was fine with him I never said I was fine with you,”

“Why not? “

“Rebecca what will you gain if I am okay with you some, maybe some of that guilt might be alleviated is that what you want? Well don’t hold your breath sweetie I raised a son for two years thinking he was mine only to find out that he’s actually Jared’s and that only happens after I find you and he naked in our bed. I could expect as much from Jared he’s always been an ass but you, Ha I was blinded by that pretty face and what’s worse is I’m still paying for it, when it’s you who screwed me over, no you and I we will never be okay I just wanted to make sure you were actually going to be gone from my life.”

 I turned and walked down the dark street as she called out my name I ignored her she was my past. Screw society’s rules I wouldn’t ever allow expectation and conventionality to rule my life again. I lit another cigarette thinking on who to screw with next, it was Saturday night endless possibilities lay before me in the twinkling horizon. Happy endings, who needs them I just need a reality.

Skip a Few

So another week has passed and I am dry..... My brain is crying I have been revising a book draft and as thus I can not produce my beautiful flowing words this week. Please Forgive me!
Nicky Ehrens

Good Morning Waffles

Waffles

 

Another morning has greeted all who breathe its September 9, 2013 in a few days the United States will once again morn those lost in the twin towers. I was only eleven on that morning, death was something hard for me to comprehend the fact that all these people had woken up and ate breakfast kissed their wives, moms, dads, kids and then left for a simple job never to return again was something I could not fathom. To this day it disturbs me. As I sit watching 60 Min. Report about the museum nearly finished and the fact that anyone under seventeen will need to learn for they did not live it surprises me. What had been an event of catastrophe and had touched just the fringes of my own family. These children only knew as history.

As I sit pondering these things I am moved with sadness as I watch my aging grandmother (who has cared for me since birth) serve me waffles something enveloped in memories. I personally hate waffles but I choke them down because she has been making these since I was a child. We discuss my friends upcoming marriage and then on to my thoughts on the curse. All the little things that consist of a breakfast. Soon though I know that these breakfast will be no more. Someday in the future I will have to make my own waffles talk to myself for comfort. I feel despair grab me I am not crying for myself but for the ones who have lost all their loved ones. The ones who kissed them goodbye watched as they left calling out “be safe”. Only to know that those were words, horrible words that failed their loved one were gone like a wind gust here one moment gone the next leaving behind only the scattered leaves of the trees it blew by. I am not just referring to the events on that terrible day I speak of every day. Everyday lives have ended. As I watch the syrup drip from the piece of waffle held just before my mouth I laugh at nothing in particular but just for the sake of laughing.

 

Watching the sun rise with the one I love is the fondest memory I hold it close for it was one of the last. His heart stopped beating not three hours ago he knew he would die. We all know we will die but he had an expiration date stamped on his hand. Kisses and hugs the only way to comfort our crying hearts. I think the sunset we watched together was his way of saying goodbye for he made me stay and hold his hand. Then pulling me close in a lovers embrace as tears began to fall he said “If the sun didn’t set to end the day you would never be able to welcome a new day full of hopes and dreams.” The tears I cry now will one day be cried for happy occasions but right now it’s a testament to you my love. A testament to the never ending sea of love that you have given me, I kiss his forehead on last time and walk out of the hospital, right now is my night but I look forward to the dawn he promised.

So in conclusion appreciate the ones you have now and miss the ones you lost.  

Rainy Day's

It’s a Rainy Day

 

On rainy days I often find myself at a loss as to what I should do. The rain drizzles down leaving puddles beneath my window the air becomes sticky with heated breathe, hair becomes limp or frizzy faces become oily and dirt is prevalent. A good day to read? Yes, A good day to sleep? Yes, a good day to make mud pies for nostalgic memories? Unfortunately Yes. Maybe it’s because I have read one to many books or the fact that I allow my mind to drift on rainy days I find it hard to pin down my thoughts it makes me think of mystical things like, A witches swamp or maybe sleepy hollow. Yes on such days as this I have come up with many a horrific or funny tale.

 As I continue to stare out the window as raindrops ripple the pool of water caught beneath a clogged gutter. I can only feel reminiscent of the first time we met. It was much like this day I was jogging along the winding trail in a park when a fallen leaf captured my foot's attention sending my skidding down a muddy embankment. I was nasty and bleeding because of the brambles that had ripped at my clothes you were crisp and clean as you lifted me from the embankment your heartbeat steady skin warm and voice deep. A raindrop awoke me from the waning blackness. As I was laid on the ambulance gurney and whisked away I couldn’t help but remember your violet eyes and dark hair. Had I dreamt it? Surely no one real could ever possess such beautiful strange eyes. After the bump on my head and sprain in my ankle healed I was back to my jogging still unsure of reality and dream. Each day though I found at the top of a hill stood a majestic wolf like dog with icy eyes always following me as if watching over me. I soon tired of being its soul view but no matter where I decided to run the wolf would always be there. On another rainy day I decided to end the strange dog sighting and would simply not go to my regular park and would instead hike a trail near my home. I walked the drizzle only slight enough to make me uncomfortable but not enough to end my work out.  As I hiked on I tired finding that it was time for my descent back into the bustling society bellow the mountain I had attempted to climb. But the night had caught me by surprise and so too did the weather, as the shadows made unsure of my footing  I soon found myself stepping into hole of some sort and toppling down a hill. I was awash in pain the world before me blotching with a deep blackness my head swam in exhaustion I felt the whole of my situation and I had no hope I had been stupid , I had forgone safety and now I would pay the price. Tears had streaked my face as I tried to move the cold and wet had saturated my clothes. I knew that death had caught my number and he wouldn’t let go. I heard the cracking of limbs and heavy breathing. Just above out of my reach I saw to icy blue eyes staring down at me. My breathe caught fear struck me, but instead of the mauling I was suspecting I heard whimpering and then he was gone. I cried all this trouble and I still had not lost my pursuer. What an idiot I am. I closed my eyes and soon fell into a deep sleep. I began to feel pricks of heat and soft brushes to my face. Alarmed I opened my eyes to find myself encircled by a man’s arms. The warmth was my feet being warmed a heated blanket I looked up my body stiff with pain Violet eyes stared back at me. A whimper came from the bed side there sat the wolf his icy eyes staring in what seemed worry. The man spoke his deep voice vibrating into my shoulder which was leaned up against his chest.  “His name is Nuka.”  “Nuka… Is he yours?” “I guess you could say that, I make sure he stays alive.” “Who are you?” he said nothing. My heart beginning to flutter with fear “Who are you? And where am I ?” still nothing as I tried to escape his grasp he tightened pulling me closer  and quietly he whispered into my ear “  I am going to be the owner of your heart…. Because you are the owner of mine and as to where you are, you are in my home.” “What “He covered my mouth with his own spreading to me a deep soul warming kiss.  I smiled as I watched the road before me as Nuka and the man I had come to know and love as Kendrick came holding the hand of our little violet eyed son. Rain is my favorite memory those clouds always bring new joys on the horizon. Always allowing mystical things to stay as reality.

Sad Story Life

Sad Story Life

 

As I look back on the post I have littered the internet with, I wonder what direction I’m trying to take. When I began I thought surely this would be the outlet for the many plucky tales I often spin on my own an opportunity to let the world in a little. But as I have endeavored each week to think of some new subject that I feel is worth sharing. I find that not all my tales are plucky or any good. Not that I think that this is a bad thing I find writers as people are self-centered and loud if not in manner but thought as well. I have tried to keep things as lively as possible for I do not wish to make people to want to go jump off a bridge. But on a personal note I try hard not to read anything that doesn’t have a happy ending to it, many avid readers and hardcore emotionalist are shaking their heads right about now. The reason for this is for me tragedy surrounds us and I often have a deep relationship with the characters I write about because they were born from my mind so of course I wish only the best for them. So when I read of sadness in story’s its real to me as real as it can get, somewhere out there in the immensity of the world is a Narnia. I like to take a mental break from the sadness of the world and laugh. But then there are those weeks where it’s almost an insult to the crying world to be happy and smiling. I find that this is one of those weeks. So begins the story. (Forgive the bitter taste but this week that is all I have tasted)

 

Flipping on the news the happy voices of the news casters radiates familiarity. As I sit sipping my coffee watching the many atrocity’s flash before my eyes, children pale and dying from an attack by the government sworn to protect them chemicals poured upon the innocent children as the slept. Gasping for air and the hugs of a mother no longer there only a bundle wrapped in a white sheet a number no longer human. But all is well here, all is safe these heavy handed things glided over like a model crossing the street gently skirting around the puddle before her feet. Smiling the news caster is conveying that this is normal and on to the next news story one not as depressing, their voices calm and warm as if convincing the many others watching that it was okay to go to work today. Never mind about the possibilities of such a thing happening again or the fact that a disturbed young man walked into a school carrying an assault weapon that was yesterday’s news.  Never mind that a fourteen yr. old girl was missing for two years and was never reported missing, or that our world seems to be in agony as it swallows land, cry’s  glaciers and rages in fires. Yes I will forget all that and slip into my routine of life. Coffee now, work later, bills and frugality constantly battling. Yes those tear streaked faces only sadden me for a minute till the lead news caster changes the subject with that cheap ass smile. Like a rich man sucking on his duck bones and speaking off the annoyance of the beggars on the street his mouth lined with grease “Those damned beggars, all with their palms raised as if expecting something from me. They have two legs why don’t they use them and get jobs.” All the other down feathered heads nodding in agreement. “Indeed, Indeed”.  Another day another blood soaked dollar. Looking at my watch I realize that my job calls the bills scream and my stomach rumbles I have no time for other things. Let them solve themselves they always do.

Although I'm not one to dwell on the depressing things (I take meds for that) I feel that as people we should take a minute to reflect on the realities of life and look beyond the protective barriers we create.

Those Thoughts…….. What?

 

Of the many boring thoughts that must pass through our heads countless times a day, I wonder what every one might make out of the random thoughts that catch our attention. When among my friends I often find that we can spend the better part of an hour cracking up over some stupid thought that we shared. Here’s an example.

Scene: In a cabin in the woods ten at night it’s rainy, we are crashing after having partied with a friend about to get married. We are all single women me and my Bestie are the oldest of the group and the confirmed old maids to tired or broke to work on relationships. We’re all cuddling up to our cups of coffee while we talk of the future awaiting our doomed friend. When the conversation lulls, and we begin to feel a small sort of depression lick at our heels, when I decide to break the silence. And so began the chaos:

                Me-Sometimes I just need a mood booster. You know.

                Friend 1- I have pills for that.

                Friend 2- I have coffee for that.

                Friend 3- I Have chocolate

                Me- Hey what about me?

                Friend 1- You have a cat for that.

Me- (Laughing to the point of crying) So true… I am wrapped in my comforter to the point where you can only see my face and my cats clasped to my chest as I fervently pet his head while he tries to escape. Mew that’s code for save me….

Friend 2- I don’t know how a cat can fix anything, if you just have coffee any situation is immediately so much better and you will be happy.

Friend 3- (Laying on the floor laughing)

Me- Okay I challenge that thought. Say you are on a cruise ship that has broken down so there’s poop everywhere its hot and nasty and then pirates attack and there you know, feeling you up will coffee make it better.

Friend 2- What! Wait, wait (laughing hysterically) Okay umm…. Yes cause well well….

Friend 1- Wait I can see it, Pirates come aboard cutlasses raised above their heads we all say wait (Friend 2) pulls out the supplies to make coffee, and I swallow a handful of my pills.

Friend 2- Yes that would be exactly how it goes I chug my coffee you are laying on the floor loopy (Friend 3) Is in the corner getting her chocolate on and Nicky’s crying over her cat that’s not there and I say to the bewildered pirates while flipping my hair back, Alright come at me…..

We all spew forth with laughter gasping at the stupidity of it all. Snickering, friend 1 turns to me. I would love you Nicky you’re so funny and awesome. Really that’s nice but I wouldn’t date you …….

Random thoughts I think they are just the comic relief in a world filled with depression and insanity. Without them we would all just be empty shells all the life sucked out of us. Kind of like dark chocolate cordial cherries. Sweet and syrupy in the center bitter on the outside. So to the world I say keep it coming for I have plenty of comic relief available.

Identity Crisis

Please excuse the lack of thought. I will be on leave till next week.

Nicky Ehrens

Psychological Moment

 

(This week I wanted to do a short story. We all have those dark days, months, years. I purposely did not name the character so don't think that I was just being lazy. This is loosely based on people suffering from split personality's. Don't be afraid to live with whatever difficulties you may have because we are all a little touched in the head....Yeah Crazy people!!!! But seriously where would our world be without variety.)   

It was another day in the mundane streets I often walked but lately I had found that theses streets often changed before my eyes. But on I would trudge, what did it matter for things are bound to change this reality did not disturb me for I lived away from the hustle and bustle, these monthly trip were now only an occasional annoyance. The cool weather nipping at my exposed member’s soon I would be safe, safe and wrapped in the comforts of my secluded cabin in the woods. All would be well, all would be safe from the unsettling attitudes around me they would be gone and I would be alone…..

 He stood watching a heavy snow tumble down from the sky. He had just beat it from trapping him in the hell of town. It would lay to rest beneath the bare outstretched arms of the trees surrounding his fortress. But as he stood looking out into the blackness a swarm of memories or visions began to consume his consciousness with waves of exhaustion overtaking him, he collapses in a sleep upon his hardwood floors. As he slumbered quietly the snow tucked the cabin in peace and silence.

 As the dawn approached the steady output of smoke from the chimney was now only a whisper as the house began to chill the sun’s rays fingered the floors in search of his closed lids cringing in pain he awakened cold and stiff and upon the floor. Confused and cold he looked about him for solace. All was as it should be, so why did he fill fear? Speaking to empty cabin “Surely a fire will lighten the mood and release me from this fear.” As he continued to think on what might have happened last night he could find no answer. More like he had no memories before he has felt the waves of exhaustion that had overtaken him. As he walked out still in thought and dressed in clothes from the night before. He looked to the sensible shoes as if they might bring to the front the justification as to his monk like existence he lead. As he reached for the stacks of wood he felt a tingle of awareness as he looked to a set of footsteps leading away from the house. Straightening he walked cautiously forward all the while praying that when he looked back they would be his own. When he did he felt his heart plummet for he only owned two pair of shoes and none he owned made these prints. He asked the trees that stood guard “Who do could these be?  Should I follow them?” Despite his fear he traversed forward following behind the prints as he continued on he could see no entry tracks this worried him more for the person leading him had been there since the snow had fallen. Almost as if he had no control he found his feet speeding towards the unknown destination. The farther away from his safety he felt a fear so deep and raw as to turn his stomach. Despite the pangs of wanting to leave off from going forward, he could gain no control over his own limbs anymore. Now running he founds his mouth was open as he strained his vocal cords releasing an agonized scream.  The only thing he still controlled his voice. On the peak of insanity he found he was in a clearing standing before a hole in the ground as if preparing for someone’s casket. As he looked around he soon found himself surrounded by five figures an old woman, child, teenager and young woman and at the head of the hole stood a haggard mirror image of himself his eyes dark from lack of sleep. Trying to step away he felt his caged state, he asked the images

“Who are you?” they answered together,
“We are part of you.”
“What do you want?”
 The old woman voiced first “I want grandchildren”
 The child “I want a friend”
 The teenager “freedom from this hell”
 The young woman “to feel love” and then as if all had led up to him answering himself the unshaven reflection said his voice echoing of the trees “I want to live.”

Confusion strangling him head throbbing “What do you mean?” and in combined voices they answered “We want to live!” the clearing filled with each story that demanded to be heard but all he could continue to ask is “who are you?” Finally as if having lost all patience the haggard twin came forward and stepped on the crying man’s throat preventing his gasps of breath as he had collapsed to the ground his body offering no protection to its own life. The mirror image came closer bringing forth all the other shadows smothering him. They whispered in unison but each expressing the rage and fury that possessed them “We protected you, We gave you life, but you have hidden us away and stolen our lives not allowing us to be free.” Their mouths opened each releasing a hollow scream of despair then saying in a frighteningly calm voice “We want to live, so you have to die. The shadows of life reached forward dragging him to the open grave as he screamed and thrashed his nails grasping at the ground only to be thrown to the bottom. Looking up at their smiling faces as they covered him in dirt he could see his body now stood above him grinning and laughing. Once all was silent the clearing seemed to brighten the stolen body turned to its counterparts “It is done now shall we live?” he stood looking down at the stone that lay as a marker for the deceased soul as the shadowed figures faded away. The freshly turned dirt hid nothing, but within the soil perhaps in the very atoms it held a crying whimpering helpless man, praying for rescue from his mind for he had been locked away for all eternity.

END (obviously)

La Familia Garcia

La Familia Garcia

 

 

I am often impressed with family dynamics….I find them not only interesting but hilarious. I know why laugh at others suffering. But just to be fair to all the other families out there I let you in on a little secret. My families no different . I think I have mentioned before that my family is very much bi-racial we resemble a scrap quilt. My mother is blond and blue eyed while my father (sperm donor) is very much a Mexican Indian second to me is my brother who is part African American he loves his fro. Then came our middle brother He and I look very much similar but funny thing is we have very different daddy's. Ha! Then came the baby he was blond, blue eyed and tanned we accept the baby's papa as our papa. So yeah I think in all we have like twelve other half siblings between us so that’s why I m determined to date someone from the other side of the world…. You know just to be safe. Anyways I describe our step dad to my friends like this "oh he's the one who looks like Mario you know from Super Mario." Yeah we are funny looking, you know your family's not “Normal” when you spent half your life getting asked are you all adopted? But seriously despite our looks three out of four of us had Hispanic Papas. So we were exposed to tons of  Novellas when we were kids no joke I cant speak Spanish but I would sit at the edge of my seat with baby doll in hand watching “La Briantos de Passion” “No……” yeah I have forgotten the name. Anyway the point is I marveled at the dramatics until I looked at my own family as I grew up. That’s right I often spend Friday nights curled up with a bowl of popcorn watching “La Familia Garcia". This week my middle brother lets call him Carlos. Well anyway Carlos is in his teen years so it adds for a great plot twists. From acne to driving my family knows how to make the mundane really interesting. Scene “Carlos has brought home two flats of tomato plants from the fields “Look what I got!” He cries full of pride “They had these leftover so they gave them too me I'm gonna sell some of the plants.” In walks mother “Why did you get all those plants! Where are we gonna put them?” “Im gonna sell them”…… “Yep good luck with that,” Okay normal so far now hit the dramatic music: Short intro on what happened a week ago now back to the story “Carlos let me have some of your plants..”  “Why?” “Because I'm your mama and I said to!” “No these are my plants, I'm gonna sell them.” “How? They are half dead already, I'm the one who watered them if you don’t replant them soon they will die!” “No they are mine!” He storms off as my mother turns to Papa “did you hear him? Are you gonna do anything about it?” “Yeah I heard it,  what do you want me to do?” “Just forget it!” as she storms off crying . Every ones attention returns to the t.v. Except for Bubba the youngest brother he looks on his face in troughs of ways to have fun. He walks into Mamas room “Mama can I have a few of the tomato plants to grow?” “why?” “I wanna see if I can grow them” he says softly appealing to mamas heart. She lays on the bed playing with her tablet acting uninterested.”I don’t care but you ll have to ask Carlos he says they are his.” “okay” he smiles secretly, he already knows the answer he will get from him but he is enjoying the prospects of getting him in further trouble. Evil laugh. He approaches Carlos “Mama said I could have a few of the plants.” “NO you cant they are mine.” “But Mama said I could” “NO” “Yes!” “Fine!, as he sends the tray of plants sailing off the porch crushing them when they hit the ground. “There now you can have one!” Bubba feigns surprise and disappointment as he scurries to mama. Who in turn comes out lumbering out from her cave. As Bubba complains to her and she prepares for war. “Carlos what do you think you are doing!” “Nothing!” “Why did you do that?” “Because  you said he could have them and they are mine!” “Carlos its just two of them you have two flats.” “So they are mine so you had no right to give them away,”. Oh now he's done it I say as I shove popcorn in my mouth. “I have no right I gave you life I don’t charge you for food I give you money so you can ride around in the truck. And you say I have no right!” “You do not give me any money for the truck I put all I have into it.” “Yeah but who pays for the insurance?” “I do” “You do not!” She again turns to Papa who is a quiet sort of man and says “Do you hear how he is talking to me? Do you see what he did? Will you do something!” he gets up and come out of the house, meanwhile I must point out they live in the suburbs and the neighbor's are quite near. Papa says in his calm voice “Carlos what do you think you are doing?” “I just….” “What do you think you are doing son? Do you not hear how you are talking to your Mama? “ “Yeah but she…” “It does not matter what she did “ to this my mama gasp in annoyance and says What Papa holds up his hand trying to smooth over the situation. “ You could have given Bubba the plants its not gonna matter because you had plenty more.” “But they were mine!” “Well it still doesn't matter cause now you have none so what are you gonna do? HUH! “ Bubba interjects trying to continue the fight. “Pops I was just “ Pops turns to him “And you I do not wanna hear from because you knew what he was a gonna say!” “No I didn’t !” “that is enough son!" and with that papa returned to his baseball game. While Mama turns and retreat's to her cave and Bubba follows to complain of his ill treatment. Half a morning spent on this. As I finish my drink turning to Jay,Jay who joined me on our couch as we watched the scene play out. Half a morning on stupid tomato plants! HA! He turns to me  in a serious tone those weren’t just any plants they were golden tomato plants they produced golden fruit. OHHHHHH!

Next week on La Familia Garcia: Mama tablet broke she has to get a new one but no one puts her happiness as a priority in the house….Will she ever get a new tablet? ……..

So that’s just a sample of the ridiculousness that is called family, Have I mentioned we are part of the mafia? Yeah the flea market mafia. Talk about dramatics. See I'm sure you have had a taste of this drama in your own house so instead of fighting it why not enjoy it like me. I always  have fresh popcorn on hand.    

My brothers had harrowing experience in the Blue Ridge  Mountains this week so much so that they did not remain in the woods for the whole night and at the howls of coyotes promptly packed up and fled. So in the spirit of summer and camping trips, I think this post should be about one of our scarier experiences have I embellished maybe, but I am a writer but for the most part all I am about to write really happened.

 

When I was about twelve and my three younger brothers were nine, six and five our family went on our summer vacation. We were an outdoors family so it meant two weeks primitive camping in the Blue Ridge Mountains  (primitive means no utilities) My mother and step-dad would pack up the car and truck to the gills. We kids would pile in. And we began our what seemed like twelve hour trip. On this occasion my father could only help us set up camp my dad is not really a big camper especially with young children having free reign over the woods so he had to go to "work". Well here we had been in the mountains Isolated . But our hunger had been larger than what had been expected and being so Mother needed to get supplies. I being fully grown in my mind ushered her away and left me in charge of my younger siblings. As you can tell the whole safety thing wasn't a big issue in the household my mother was young and lets not forget that I had been doing this type of camping as far back as I could remember. So as my mother left I was confident that we were as safe as kittens for there was plenty of food we had a fire and tents to retreat to when we grew tired. That being said the afternoon progressed everyone was still alive when night began to fall our banquet of hot dogs on a stick was being digested.  Stocking the fire a little to much we danced about the roaring flames and whooped and yelled truly enjoying our freedom. The youngest of us had already gone to bed when we brought out the marshmallows. All was happy we tried to forget that all day we had felt as if things had been off that the usually chatty woods had fallen silent, until the fire started dyeing down (for fear of starting a forest fire, I was only twelve) we began to notice the pitch blackness closing in on us and the eerie feelings of being watched. Our middle brother sat poking a stick in to the small dancing flames as I huddled closer as the cool dampness began to penetrate my T-shirt . Then as we sat our little heads nodding. We were called to attention by the cracks of sticks around us the rustling of leaves. Laughing we hoped, prayed that it might be our mother but we would have seen or heard the car. Uneasy but still not wanting to show fear I said "lets sing silly songs" as I threw rhododendron leaves on the flames to make them crackle and spark. As we sang the sounds became louder our voices raised trying to drown out the terrifying sounds. But then we heard a scream I wouldn't call it a scream more like a moan. Of course our sticks and seats were abandoned in panic as we scurried into the huge tent we all shared. Safely zipping the flap we huddled on the air mattress shoving our unconscious baby brother to the side. Laughing a little I said "Why did you guys scare me like that you bunch of babies." Laughing I continued "oh well lets go to sleep anyways mommy should be back soon." As we bedded down in various places the air became stifling I tried to ignore the fact that the glow from the campfire was causing terrifying shadows to dance across the tent. But I had to have fresh air I opened the first half which was screened but with that open I could clearly see that something was moving around the fire a large shadow moving about. The middle brother began to whimper I began to shake as I zipped up the flap again as quietly as I could I prayed I was only seeing things that's all It had to be. Laying back down I had almost convinced myself and brothers that it was nothing. The whispers died down our hearing more sensitive as the fires glow dimed little by little. But as I kept my eyes clamped  shut I began to hear a soft rubbing sound as if one of my brothers were running their hands around the tents outside. Sitting up I looked about the dull light barely enough to let me see the outline of all my brothers two of which lay as still as possible their eyes open. I whispered "Was that you?" "No" they said just then the air mattress which was close to the edge of the tent was shook as if something were trying to grab at me from the outside. We all screamed, but the youngest who remained dead asleep. As we huddled in the center I found a little flashlight I shined it toward the sides and I gasped as I saw the outline of fingers pushing into our tent. Almost as if searching for an opening I began to cry as we sat huddled together I followed the impression until it was above where my baby brother laid the fingers pressed harder causing the tent to bend letting out a collective scream we grabbed his little feet and yanked him off the bed and to the center of the tent. A low moan surrounded us as the hands came closer to the flap but as I continued to shine the light on the fingers our light flickered out. Nothing happened I cannot recall how long we were huddled and crying. The scratching continued as well as the moaning we cried until the headlights of our mothers car illuminated the campsite. Screaming we ran I carrying our brother up the hill and into the inside of the car  our mother asking what happened  as she looked at our tear streaked faces trying to convince us to go back to the tent. But we refused I saying that something was down there. I was to scared to truly speak of it as if it might find me. Apparently we must have looked horrified because our mother turned the car around and drove us home. The next day our step father and mother went back and retrieved all camping materials. So that's the end I don't know what was down there and truthfully I don't really want to know. All I know is that sometimes when I have nightmares I hear that same moan and scraping sound. I have camped many other times but never have I felt so scared and uncomfortable as I did that night I truly thought that something wanted to harm me and my brothers.   

A Nuisance or New Adventure?

I am sure that it is obvious to anyone that not only am I an amateur in this venue. But I also have... no idea what I am doing........... So I have read many papers on how to start  a blog, you must first have something you are extremely passionate about. Well I am passionate in many things just as I assume everyone is, But to one thing I am more passionate than I could ever imagine. And that is writing although I have studied long and hard to better my art I find that writing is the first thing I think of when I wake and the many stories I have either read or embellished put me to sleep at night. So that being said,  I am proud to present the many not so adventures tales of a creative mind.


A Passing Gentleman?
I often find myself entranced when I strike across a man who seems redeemable or interesting I soon find my mind wondering if all women wonder on the qualities we see. Do the same questions that plague my mind apply to all my gender? Like, Is he the ONE? The one to make me feel great ,whole and loved. But as most strong willed women I am well aware that this kind of happiness begins first with oneself. That if another person is added to the equation of an "immature" person a complicated mess is sure to arise. To this I say aren't we all "immature" at some point. Let me dream. So despite  all this I still find myself lost in the imagining of the life we might share.(To this I must point out I am in a hospital bed two days after a surgery.) As I look into your smiling eyes I ask the world to stop. Yes let me just lay here, enjoying your strong muscular arms encircling me every night. With that love and compassion you seem to show blanketing me in warmth and comfort. Your large calloused hands daunting my own small and delicate ones. Your fair skin and strawberry coarse hair so different from my dark complexion. Would we have children together? What would they look like? Are you tormented by those memories of the war I imagine you have seen? Would you be like a hunter like my brother? Someone he could bond with? Your heavy boots left on the steps waiting for your day off from the hospital? While the aging Rocco (our dog) waits for our busy happy life to slow during the weekend when we hunt and fish together. Would we have a fireplace to sit near while I darn your favorite socks? Would we argue over silly things but then make passionate love?
 But to this I must interject. I having never experienced this am told that after such a scene one would  pile two pillows between you and he and ferociously smack away his hand whenever it creeps close. But back to my fog of joy. Would your mother and father like me, they so warm and friendly compared to my crazy and dysfunctional family. Although I know we have met but only for a few moments you have impressed upon me our future together. Sadly now I watch you leave neither asking for number or giving forth anything more than a goodbye. As the door shuts, closing out our future I am reminded, my luck with men would surely be as bad as my other female counterparts in my family. Now left back in reality I shrug my shoulder saying to the sterile room "perhaps it is better to have never continued any farther my dear." Flicking on the T.V.  one last parting thought. Thank you for the sweet dreams, now what was his name?